Wednesday, November 28, 2012

A bit of a lot

Hello world! So gosh my life is so dramatic I never even knew it was until I read my older blogs and journal entries and stuff.  I count on other people to make me happy.  Not goo. Kriss is right about that.  But!! Seeing as how I've made a habit of that, Ian and I are no longer fighting (we were fighting very much) and I'm a lot happier.  But also I've been trying to be happy because I'm me.  I'm going on a mission for me and no one else.  Not even because it makes waiting easier.  That's not why I chose to serve.  I've always known I would be a missionary.  But I also know I want to be married before 25 so I always figured I'd have to wait till I was an old lady to go with my husband.  When the renouncement was made that girls can now go at 19 I was hysterical.  I was happy about boys going at 18.  I thought "Wow good for them :)" But then they said 19 for girls and my hands went straight to my mouth and I started sobbing.  It was an answer to so many of my prayers.  I'll be the first to admit that I'm going for selfish reasons.  I love the way I feel when I feel the spirit.  18 months of the constant companionship of the spirit is a very tempting prospect.  I love the way I feel when I serve others. Going on a mission, that's all I'll be doing.  And I love to love.  I love people and I love to make them happy.  I love to put a smile on someone's face. I always have.  I hope I can serve and help so many on my mission. But for the most part I'm going to build Zion and just simply because I want the experience and I want to feel my Saviors love for all of his children.  And hopefully going will help me to fully recognize my own individual worth and to rely on myself and the Gospel to be happy.  :)