Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Trying to start

So I've been trying the growing up thing...hasn't worked out yet lol. I planned on getting a job this summer but everything just keeps coming up.  Like Kurtis leaving for his mission. I'm so glad he made that decision by the way.  He'll do so good.  Well, anyways, getting a job is really overwhelming for me.  Honestly I'm content to not do anything! But I can't do that haha :P  I'm trying to get on with costco, they have nice benefits and the pay is more than minimum wage.  I've also spent all day so far doing online surveys and what not trying to get a scholarship.  Very boring.  I guess I'll get on FAFSA next.  So yeah, that's my pathetic attempt at life. Oh! Ian sent his mission papers in.  I'm happy and sad about that. Happy because that makes him marriage material for sure.  Sad because of all the bad things that could happen while he's gone.  He asked me to wait for him.  I said yes, of course.  But he also told me I need to date around while he's gone too. I'm grateful he did that.  But there's still that chance I could find someone that I really like. I don't want that to happen. I really like him.  But with him gone, I don't know, I'm just scared because I don't want that to happen.  And then there's no way I think his mom will ever like me.  I ask about it and he assures me she has no problem with me.  But that's hard to believe when you put all the pieces together.  He can never come here anymore and when I go up there it's not a good time for me to come over. On Saturday it was his birthday and My friend got married.  He was with me when I got the invite and I was told I could bring him.  He was aware of it for two months before the date.  I'm assuming his mother was too.  But come the day of the wedding, the car suddenly wont start.  The only way he can come is if I go pick him up from the restaurant.  K if that's how it's going to be, why not invite me to dinner?  It IS his birthday.  I AM important to him AND  his girlfriend. We've been together about five months and I've seen his family what? Twice the whole time.  I feel like his mother doesn't want to see me let alone have him see me.  Oh and get this, I had to drive him home and I had to sleep over at my Granny's house that night so he invited me to go to his singles ward with him.  Guess what car he showed up to pick me up in?  The black car that "wouldn't start" the day before.  So it won't start on only the day of something we've had planned for over two months but it will start the very next day for church???   He may be missing out on all the signs but I'm not.  His mom doesn't like me.  Maybe she thinks I'll ruin his chances of getting out into the mission field.  Not happening. I want him to go.  Maybe she's afraid I'll break his heart again.  I am too. Maybe that's why I wont.  I just don't know what to do about the situation with his mom.  It's not like we're going to be in much contact when he's gone.  She obviously doesn't like me or want me around.  It really hurts my feelings. :(  And I don't know how to talk about it to Ian.  That's his mom, whom he still calls "Mommy".  I can't really tell him that I'm under the impression that she hates me and that it's gotten to the point that I'm afraid to even suggest that we do something together for fear that she won't like it.    I don't know what to do.