I don/t want to grow up.... :(

Stuff stuff and more stuff!

Oh my gosh! Graduation is almost here and I am so so so so SO excited!!!  It's so hard to be in school anymore I feel like it's pointless lol :)  But I'm trying not to let my grades slip..but that means I'm also slacking a bit haha.  I'm going to get some invites done too! I'll probably make them myself just cuz I can :)  OH! And I owe a big fat thanks to my Aunt Kris and Uncle Shawn for my senior pictures! You guys are great :)  Plus you took me to D.C. for graduation and that was pretty sweet :) So thanks a bagillion!
So much has happened lately :)  Um.... lets see.... Megan had her baby, Silvie.  And I made her a blanket which was nice I think :)  You know, for a first timer's blanky.  haha!  Um....gosh just school dragging on and on is big!  I guess a lot really hasn't happened now that I think about it.  The best though is Me and Ian are back together :) And I know my Aunts and everybody will read this and make fun of me so.... ewwy gewwy mooshy moosh moosh!!! Take that Kris!!!!  Lol he is a really great guy and he treats me right :) I was a little worried he might ask me to wait for him though....he's going on a mission.  But he told me he wants me to date other guys while he's gone.  Which I was going to do anyways.  I definitely wouldn't mind being single when he gets back though!  I think if we got serious when he got back and seriously try things out that good things could happen.  But we'll just have to wait and see. So for now we're together until we decide what to do when the time comes.  Haha I like it like that.  I worry too much about the future so from now on I'm just gonna go with it. :) Less Stress that way :) Also, I think it's really cute that he told me to date other guys.  Makes me feel like he trusts me even though I know it's hard for him to trust me... :( Now that's a complicated story.  Man my family must think I'm so stupid :P  I DON'T CARE WHAT MY FAMILY THINKS ABOUT MY CHOICES WITH GUYS!!! not like I don't know what I'm doing.  I just try to do the right thing.  It honestly bugs me that they always act like I'm some big player and date a thousand guys.  >:(  I have only had two serious boyfriends. That's it.  Yeah, I had other "boyfriends"  but seriously?  they weren't serious at all compered to the other two. I have kissed five guys.  yeah I'm like almost only 18 but that's like none compared to most other people.  I'm a good girl and when my family tells me I get around it hurts my feelings.  Because I don't.
ANYWAYS! I made myself a little angry just now lol :P Um.... yeah! Life is dragging right now except for The seeing Ian and having fun with friends :) Going to the drive in Friday with my friends and my incredible boyfriend!!! so excited!!! :) We're seeing the avengers too so I'm pretty stoked :)

I am so STOKED!!! Next week for special needs mutual we are going to watch 17 miracles in preparation for the fallowing week when the man who played Albert will come to speak to us! I am so excited! But, I keep thinking I might ask my mom if I can go see Makae next week instead of watch the movie at special needs. It's not a huge night and I'm sure Makae is feeling a little alone.  And as much as I don't like what she does, I still love her and I want her to know that I'll always be there for her.  I miss her too.  A lot.  I hope that she gets well.  I fasted the other day for her.  I really feel like I should go see her and I know that Thursdays are open nights.  At least I think so.  I can't really remember how they work but still.  I support her and what lifeline teaches her to remember. 

Waiting is so HARD!

So I've decided I have to wait.  Every time I end up liking a boy who hasn't been on a mission it "blows up in my face" as the latest jerk put it.  I really like a boy and he supposedly likes me back. But he just wants to be friends because he "doesn't want to hurt me, doesn't want it to blow up in his face, and doesn't want anything serious before his mission". Well that's nice and all and I understand, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to stick around if he's not willing to put a little friendly effort into our friendship.  I feel like he expects me to keep liking him even if he's given me no chance.  AND he keeps doing things that 'just friends' don't do. Like calling me and only me as soon as he gets a little service, and hugging me all cute and boyfriend like and not letting go.  What am I supposed to do? Not hug you back?  And now to top things off, he pulled the most duchey move in the world last night by asking me to prom.  Weird right? Especially because I kind of hoped he would. I haven't been asked to my prom so I asked him what he was doing the night of because I don't want to stay home alone that night and do nothing.  But his prom is that same night. If I had known that, I wouldn't have said anything.  And I sure as hell wasn't trying to get him to ask me either! That's pathetic.  Well anyways he asked me and I was worried he did because he felt bad. He assured me that wasn't the case but then, he proceeded to tell me that should I get asked to prom by another boy I should go with the other boy instead of him.  That made me suspicious so I asked once more if he just asked me because he felt bad for me.  This time he was honest about it and told me yes.  I told him I didn't know what to say and that he pretty much just ruined my entire night.  which he did.  I told him he should just say what he means because I'm tired of getting mixed messages from him.  He told me he doesn't know what he means and I told him he had better find out.  I then asked him why he would feel bad for me and ask me when he didn't want to.  Keep in mind he had asked no one to his prom yet.  He continued to be honest which I'm thankful for but I wish he wasn't so stupid.  Turns out there is a girl at his school whom it would be easier to take due to how far away we live from each other.  I asked if he knew this before or after he asked me.  He gave me the wise response of "...sort of during the process... :/ sorry..."
As you can imagine I was hurt and pissed off.  He thinks things blow up in his face? BAH! I'd like to show him a bit of my world.  lies. lies. try to get her to put out and drop her when you find out she wont. more lies. and my personal favorite, "your not good enough."  Yeah...things blow up in his face alright....  any ways..... I decided I'll give him the silent treatment and see what happens.  And in the long run... I guess I should just wait for me to stop liking him and focus on graduating instead.  And then I won't actually like a guy unless he is a returned missionary.  And lucky me I don't know any of those.  All I want is to have my own family even though I know it will be hard.  But I hate the waiting part and everything in between! especially since on the way every boy I like hurts me.  And I know nothing good will ever come to you unless you hurt a little before it comes, but why does it have to hurt so freaking much? I HATE WAITING!!!!!

A Woman of Faith

I have an aunt who inspires me more than any other person I know other than my Savior.  My Aunt Kristanne is an extraordinary woman of faith.  Her daughter, Makae, has a serious case of Borderline Personality Disorder, and it is such a struggle.  If Makae had been sent to any other mother I don't think she would have made it this far.  Kris's blog is the only one connected to mine so far so this is sort of to her. Kris, I love you, and I don't know how you do it.  Your faith is so so so strong! And I know sometimes it is probably really hard for you to keep that faith.  I know you probably already know this, but read 2 Corinthians 4: 17-18.  It's my favorite and it always helps me.  I love you so much! I love Makae too and my prayers are always with you and your family.  
Love always,
Courtney

Trying something new

So, I figured since I don't have a diary, facebook is too open to too many people, and I always need to talk, a blog was maybe a good idea... lets find out haha!